Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
