Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
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