He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize
