in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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