im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
