plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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