his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
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I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
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They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
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