I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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