ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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