Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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