woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
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