He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
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