I looked at my own cervix.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
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