the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Randomize
