Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
