I like my sex mixed with concussions.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Randomize
