I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Randomize
