glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
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