3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
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