Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
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