I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
