he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
