Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
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