used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
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