My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Randomize
