well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
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Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
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If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
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