im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Randomize
