So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Drunk is a universal language darling
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
