then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
