Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
