barbara walters just said penis...
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
