I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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