help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
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