there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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