i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
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