I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
After tacos, we're chasing women.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Randomize
