You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
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