Those balls look pretty dangerous.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
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