im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
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