Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize
