Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
Randomize
