I accidentally burped into my bong.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
