So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Randomize
