So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
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