i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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