bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Randomize
