At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
