think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Randomize
