Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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