yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
