Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
