I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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