I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
