How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
what the fuck happened to the tacos
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
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