I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
