Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
