Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
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He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
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If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
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