Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
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