so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
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