I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
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