anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
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