And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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