I must be too annoying 4 u.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
