hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
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She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
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You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
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