GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
