i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
