OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
how do you play pong handcuffed?
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
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