look no pants
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
