new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
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