she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
Walk of Shame today included voting.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
